I have seen Aliens. I have dined with them, Fucked them, and I have been to their many planets. Never thought I would live to see the day that i could sit down at my Grandfather's old mahogany desk, spin some throwaway vintage records i bought at the local thrift store and recount my story and my relationship with the Aliens who have been abducting me for years and years. Alas here we are and it seems God, The Almighty Allah, Has seen fit to grant me what i consider to be the most important testimony of all time.
What amused me the most about the Aliens was the way they so fecklessly tossed around Racial slurs like Upstanding Black Citizen, Spick, Slant Eyes, Chink, Wetback, Kike, Street Shitter etc. Although many considered this to be a sad commentary on their failure to integrate properly into society and a complete disregard to our sensitive Race relations, the idea that they just didn't care to say things like "Upstanding Black Citizen" and "Wetback", "Chink" out in public places like the Grocery Store or Family Restaurants i always found to be incredibly profound.
The first time i heard a Alien say "The N Word" i was working one of my day jobs at Pretzel Pal's Pretzels To Go. He was experiencing a severe reaction to one of the artificial sweeteners in our Lipton Ice Tea Soda Fountain and he was pointing accusingly with his elongated bulging fingers at me and the Assistant Manager, Screaming and screaming in a raspy high pitch voice "Upstanding Black Citizen!!! Upstanding Black Citizen!!! You Fucking Upstanding Black Citizen!!!". At first i laughed, but was quickly over taken by fear at his guttural shrieks and furrowed brow. When we offered him a complimentary 12 piece of Cinnamon Pretzels with Icing for getting his dunk on, he smashed his tray on our counter and stormed off. I had heard murmurs of Aliens completely losing their shit in public, but when it happened to me i couldn't help but root for him, i have often felt the same way of my own shitty job at Pretzel Pals, and although i don't normally take shit from customers, it just didn't seem appropriate to diminish the anger of a interstellar traveler with a undisclosed food allergy.
We all seen the videos posted on social media, Some Millennial Feminist is at some 5 star restaurant with her Nu Male orbiters trying to slyly record video of a neighboring table of Aliens saying "Wetback" this, "Chink" that, and having a hearty laugh about it. The one that comes to mind is the Polynesian waiter when he approaches the alien's festive celebration and it comes to a screeching halt, only to turn into "Look, it's a Chinko" "Look a Slant-Eyes" "Gook Gook" before they break out again into a hearty laugh. Before the Aliens came many people deplored this behavior, But with such an advanced civilization, Who could argue now?
When my Wife comes home late at night in the pouring rain with make up running and cigarette burns on her titties (Because of the Aliens), It's difficult to be entirely upset because of how quirky and whimsical the nature of the Aliens truly is. Just when they decided to leave the planet back one of their surely superior planets is when i feel like as collective society we were finally starting to accept them. Ofcourse they spoke an entirely different language using telepathy, telekinesis, and gang signs( when they weren't being extraordinarily racist which they often did in plain english) but it was quite a thrill to be in their company, i almost felt compelled myself to chirp and hum, throw a glass mug or a plate at a Mexican waiter and toast up towards the stars to frontiers unknown.
Well that's all i gotta say about it right now, Maybe i'll give more details when i have collected my thoughts.