Welcome to the4th Lolokaust guide to fetishes. If after reading our previous three guides, you have not found that special someone, then fuck off you shit bastard, you are a sexual spastic and should die in a fire. For those that have got themselves some regular fuck, please read on because heaven awaits ladies and gentlemen, come discover the secrets of the pleasure that makes one scream.
Heaven
How does a person get a thrill out of sex when they have had a regular fuck available for some time? The answer? He tries something daring, something new, something depraved. These are called fetishes and they can get as weird as you like. What we are going to do is reveal some hand picked thrills using the most powerful program known to man……..MICROSOFT PAINT!!
FETISHES: LOOKING FOR EXCITEMENT IN SEXUAL CONQUEST
We can divide these degrading acts into a few subcategories. The first one we are looking at is the idea of harming oneself to get a sexual kick. This is good because often you don’t know how far this can go, I mean you could end up dead! Taphephilia: Sexual thrill from being buried alive
Sometimes the rush of pain through
the most sensitive part of your body is the thrill. You don’t have to cut your
dick off to do this, you can get the same effect by simply causing
irreversible damage to your equipment instead.
Electrophilia: Sexual thrill from electricity
The kick
doesn’t always come from deliberately harming your physical self, it can come
from exposing yourself to potential danger. Imagine driving an open top car in
first gear, naked under a clan suit, down the centre of Harlem and shouting
fuck all niggers, playing country and western with your doors wide open!
Looking for a thrill from danger? You found it asshole!
Harpaxophilia: Arousal from being robbed
Its possible to get a stiffy from
that helpless feeling of panic. Michael Hutchence, David Carradine and Heath
Ledger have what in common? They all got dead by asphyxiation. The problem
was, it wasn't by accident, they were doing it for a sexual kick. To do this
alone or with someone you don't know will get you turned into worm food, so if
you want to see the next day, make sure there's someone assisting you who is
safe as fuck.
Asphyxiophilia: Sexual thrill from asphyxiation
ParT 2:
Sexual Violence
I must be honest, this is my personal favourite. If you want a boost to your ego, there’s nothing better than having your partner pleading for you not to stab their eyes out with a coat hanger as you ass fuck them with a knife. This practice has been around forever, its human nature, its normal.
Bestialsadism: Arousal from hurting animals
Violent acts don’t need to be one on one in the privacy of your own cellar, they can be public. Sometimes we just want to go on a killing spree just for the Lolokaust and the sexual thrill. Generally the innocent are the most exciting targets. Mothers and babies, the old and if you are lucky, the disabled are perfect because there is less reason to do it. Just seeing someone’s face explode across your windshield is one of the most sexually exciting things I’ve ever seen whilst masturbating.
Symphorphilia: Sexual
thrill from causing accidents
Another way to do it is in gangs. This way is much safer because you can overpower your target much easier. Another good thing about this is you can take it in turns like you do a children’s board game which means the fun is shared, the difference being, there’s no losers.
Pyrophilia:
Arousal from fire
Face it……it’s a dark world and there’s no point in fighting the fact we all have these urges. Some of the world’s most notorious sex attackers came from very normal backgrounds, just to be locked up for exercising their right to use their genitals inside someone, in a way they see fit. The way to do it is to maybe get a job where the innocent will come to you for help rather than having to hunt them.
Agonophilia: Rape fetish
ParT 3: Sexytime, Nice and Easy does it
Sometimes picking a suitable fetish is like simple sex. You don’t have to rip them apart to enjoy it, these practices can be nearly as much fun if you take your time and enjoy it. Just having straight sex in a public place can be thrilling. The idea is usually to find somewhere private and maybe you won’t get caught. We recommend going totally public and exposing yourselves where there’s a large volume of people. A school, a park or strapped to a crucifix at the front of a church service are some options.
Agoraphilia: Having sex
in public places
If privacy is what you’re after, fair enough, you can lock the world away and enjoy each other in private. Props such as role playing, eating each other or maybe eating food off each other could be an option, your imagination is really the limit you put on this.
Carpophilia: Use of foods during sex
Sometimes bringing in other partners is great fun, especially if you want to catch some fun diseases or just good old fashioned genital lice. There should be trust between you so everyone knows how far to go. ‘Safe’ words are often used to make sure nobody goes too far but generally when we hear these, its time to move the action up a gear and cause some real damage.
Ochlophilia: Group sex
Imagine the
lols that can be had if your 5 year old son comes home from school and
catches you fucking a chocolate face man. Education is the best way to
empower our children and exposing them to the sexual horrors of your bedroom
will enlighten them to the future possibilities. Remember that pounding ass
causes cancer and shit on your nuts can smell quite bad.
Homosexuality: Fucking faggotry
ParT 4: You Fucked up Bastard
Most fetishes can be categorized but some are just without any sense or reason at all. I remember a kid in my school class who always smelt of shit. We found out later he got a sexual thrill out of not wiping his arse. Smearing shit or vomit on your bell end or eyes I can understand, but doing that……..I ask you.
Coprophilia: Poo fetish
The problem with humans is you can always guess what they will do next. Some creatures are less predictable such as lions…..erm…. well, they will probably fucking eat you than fuck you but less dangerous creatures can be enjoyed safely.
Ichthyophilia: Using fish
for sexual pleasure
Sometimes there are conventions that bring people together who have certain
‘leanings’. Those sad bastards meet and it makes them feel more normal when
they are in a pack. Trust me, if you get off on dead dogs, we don’t give a
fuck how many of you there are at your fucked up annual dead dog convention,
you are still fucked up and we hate you.
Zoophilia:
Engaging in sex with animals
What does become boring for someone like myself (who is extremely good
looking), is constantly looking down at the girl underneath me and seeing
the hottest piece of meat, ever created, the fact she has been dead for 2
weeks is beside the point. Constantly getting laid with all the best looking
partners does get boring, so why not try out a game. When we hit the town at
night we sometime play the ‘see who can pull the ugliest girl’ game. The
idea is to see who can pull the nastiest pig in a wig, get off with her and
laugh in her face as you tell her she was a dare from your mates,
loolooolooolollool.
Monstrosity: Arousal from monstrous appearances
At times the living, breathing things just don’t cut it. I was looking in an
art gallery a while ago where I was looking at nudes. The arousal in my
pants as the tour guide explained the paintings was incredible. What I
wasn’t ready for was the statues. The form of the perfectly smooth breasts
and cunt of the lady on the couch made me want to rip my clothes off there
and then and go on a rape rampage.
Agamatophilia: Arousal from statues
Personally I can really enjoy a good hand fuck to looking at some great
sexual art. Most web comics are dog shit but there are 1 or 2 that rock my
cock. Drawing your own stuff can be a real sexual thrill. I generally do all
my art sat naked with one hand on my tablet pen and a finger in my anus. The
idea of taking a well known characters and defiling them is damn sexy.
Schediaphilia: Arousal from cartoon characters
Sometimes you get desperate, it’s a horrible feeling when you feel you have
tried every depraved practice your imagination limits you to. Your
imagination and balls is exactly the problem here. Let go of your
inhibitions and push the boundary of bad taste. Public toilets are a
fantastic source of pleasure in terms of partners and the props and toys you
can find to play with.
Menophilia: Arousal from menstruating women
ParT 5: Domination! I am Powerful!
Sex is conquest, its ego and pwnage. To feel powerful it’s important to
degrade your partner and make it clear that you are the best fuck on the
planet and they are lucky to be ‘having it off’ with you. This can also be a
masturbation fetish. Just seeing the misery on peoples faces can be a kick.
Symphorphilia: Sexual pleasure watching natural disasters
Sometimes just knowing that someone has very little time left and will die
of ass cancer can be a thrill. If this is your thing then try and get a job
in a hospital full of terminal illness and just hand fuck yourself off to
all the death and misery that surrounds you.
Nosophilia:
Sexual stimulation from terminally ill people
Imprisonment of a partner and making them do degrading acts can be cumtastic.
Security is the main concern for you here. Cut out all links to the outside
world and lock the doors, bolt the windows and shutters. Now you have a slab
of meat you can do anything with. You can beat them, use them as a toilet or
do some fun role-playing. This is domination to the extreme.
Infantilism: Role playing as an infant
Shoplifters often admit that they do it for the thrill. Why not do it naked?
Why not kill the shopkeeper and his family, rape them and smear chocolate
around your nipples as you do it? Fetishes are often normal things we do but
given a sexual leaning, they become a fetish so think about your daily
routine and make that your fetish.
Kleptophilia: Sexual thrill from stealing
In Conclusion
Nobody has the right to tell you what’s decent and what’s not. If murder, rape (I like) or sadism is your thing, then good for you, don’t hold back but push the boundaries and limits of your sexual adventures past where your normal imagination would normally take you. Better still, go so far that you either kill yourself or get your story in the news so we can have a good lol about you.
We hope you have enjoyed the guide and have found our professional advice useful. Together we can draw on each others experiences and go to places unexplored. For those who hate what we do, well, you can suck my fucking cock as I bum sex your dog with a fruit bowl. FUCK OFF AND GO TO HELL! There’s one thing for sure, we’ll be there waiting for you!
Tarterus
